Ed's POV

Late. I’m always fucking late. I can’t be late. Not today. 

I park on the street and run out of the car to the bookstore. When I was a kid, arrival times felt optional to me and my mom. We were late to parties, to school, but she always got to happy hour on time. I’m an adult now, and I can take responsibility for my own actions. That’s been my main goal in therapy for the past couple months. I’m late because I couldn’t get out of bed this morning. The sheets were soft and Hattie’s skin was even softer. I couldn’t stop kissing her. So I left the house thirty minutes later than I hoped to drive two towns over to get the perfect thing for today. I didn’t bet on a parade completely diverting traffic. But it’s okay. I’m here now. 

I open the door as quietly as I can, not wanting the bell to interrupt the reading. With careful steps, I find a spot in the back. Hattie’s chestnut hair is lit by the soft light streaming in from the window. Her bright blue eyes, flick from the page to the crowd and then they land on me. My heart skips a beat. I always thought that saying was trite. I used to aviod it in my writing, but the smooth swoop of Hattie’s cheek, the way her lashes lay heavy above her stunning blue eyes, the curve of her lip. My heart behaves erratically. It’s terrifying and exhilarating. Like rail sliding down a new staircase when you’re not quite sure you’re going to make it. 

In fact, that’s exactly what it’s felt like with Hattie. I nearly fucked up the whole thing, landed face first at the bottom of the stairs, a mangled mess and taken her heart with me. But I get it now. I love her. And showing her means showing up. Being here. Sharing my life, even the stuff I think she might not want to know. The boring stuff and the hard stuff. 

Hattie finishes her reading, and the room erupts in applause. I put two fingers in my mouth and whistle, which makes her catch my eye again and smile. That smile. My whole body softens when she looks at me like that. Well, not my whole body.

For the next hour, she signs books and poses for selfies. I chat with Uncle Rob and Grandma. Robin thanks everyone for coming, and as the door closes, Hattie breathes a sigh of relief throwing her pen down on the table. My pulse thumps in my neck. What if she thinks this is stupid? Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck.

I take a deep breath and head over to the table. 

Hattie looks up at me with those baby blues. “Hey, you. Where’d the others go?” 

“We’re going to meet them at The Vern,” I say. 

She smiles, and my stomach drops into my shoes. I want to see that smile every day for the rest of my life. What if she doesn’t want the same? 

“Perfect.” 

Now or never. I jump in headfirst and place a book on the table. “Mind signing one more?” 

She runs her hand over the cover, and I flash to her running her hand on my chest this morning. 

“Is this an arc of your new book?” 

I nod. “I thought you might be interested to see the dedication.” 

She opens the hardback and on the front page in italics I know exactly what it says. I wrote and rewrote it for months. I even sent it to my critique buddy. Fuck. What if she doesn’t like it? 

Hattie, 

First of all, without you, this book would not exist in this form. My book is infinitely better for having met you, and so is my life. Thank you for moving my plot forward, for giving my life momentum and purpose. I love you always and forever. 

Will you marry me? 

Ed 

She hasn’t looked up from the book and I think I might die. My heart is beating too fast. God, it would be so much fucking easier to just walk away. I could do it. I could leave now, shut down, reconstruct the walls I spent so many years building brick by brick.

I squeeze my hands, my tattoos stretching with the motion. I’d regret it for the rest of my life. Whether she says yes, or no. I need her to know how much I love her. How much she means to me. How I want her to be my wife. 

Pulling the ring out of my pocket, I walk around to her side of the table and kneel. I swallow down the rising panic in my throat. “Hattie. Will you marry me?” 

She’s nodding. Thank fuck. She’s nodding. Adrenaline courses through me. Nodding means yes. Nodding means yes!

I slip the ring on her delicate finger.

She shouts, “Yes!” 

And it is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard.

I stand and pull her into my arms. For the first time today, a deep calm washes over me. She said yes. I put my lips to hers. Ahh, her lips. I could get lost for hours, for years, for a lifetime in the soft touch of her lips. 

I kiss her deeply, my hands moving up her back and up to her thick hair. As much as I want to take her upstairs right now, there’s another plan for today. We’ll have time later. We have all the time in the world. 

“Come on.” I take her hand.  

Elation shoots through me, and when I look at Hattie’s face I can see she feels the same. We run through the streets as the golden leaves fall around us. We run to the Vern, where our friends and family are waiting. 

The nerves are back, prickling my scalp. What if I fucked this up? Making it all about me when this is her night. Her signing. I place a hand on Hattie's hip and whisper into the soft shell of her ear. “We can put the ring away. We don't have to tell them today.” 

She leans into me, the weight of her body delicious. She presses her lips to mine. I lose myself. Someone whistles, but it doesn’t matter. The bar evaporates. There’s no crunch of gravel under my feet. I’m floating high above it all. My panic dissipates with the smoke from the fire pit. Me and her. That’s all that matters. Fate led us together time after time. And time after time I let it slip through my fingers. Not feeling worthy of her. Of us. But never again. Even if it’s absolutely true, I’m not good enough for her, I will strive every day to be. To be better. To be enough. To be worthy of how amazing this woman is. 

My soon to be wife. 

I pull her closer to me.

She says softly, “Fuck that.” Then raises her hand in the air, wiggling her ring finger, turning to the group. “We’re engaged!” 

I squeeze her hand, my smile so wide my face hurts. “She said yes!” 

Our friends cheer. I run my thumb over Hattie’s fingers. She looks at me and it is everything. I see our entire future reflected in her jeweled eyes. Walking down the aisle. Cradling our first child in my arms (she wants three). Holding hands as little bare feet toddle with us on the beach. 

I never even let myself imagine having a family before Hattie. I never let myself imagine much future at all beyond the immediate. But now… with her… I can see it all. I feel it all. 

And it’s all going to be amazing. She is it for me. My now and forever. 

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